Here I am, sneaking in a few words between classes. Not new to blogger, but now I also have to have a professional blog. Hmmm...I wonder if that will lead others on to this one?

So, is it a crime to still have my pumpkins on the table two weeks after Thanksgiving? The neighborhoods are increasingly lit up for the holidays as I drive home from work. Guilt? No...Pride that I am not rushing the season! Although a little rotten around the edges, my pumpkins are a badge of honor now as we approach mid-December! I have to admit , I do not want to decorate, cook, shop or wrap this season. I'm too busy with grad school and work to even think about celebrating the holidays. Bah. Humbug this year!

I'm back! It's hard to believe that so much time has past since I've visited my place here. The blogs of past seem a lifetime away from where I've been lately. The boys and friends have come and gone, the basement now a quiet place of memories. Trying to get Kendra well and more independent. Trying to understand her choices without being too judgmental. Biting my tongue, as I know she needs to get healthy before she has the confidence to move on with her life. Always picking up lost puppies.
I'm embarking on another adventure late in life...returning to school. Next week orientation after work, twn the following weekend, jumping in. Will I reach the other side eventually, or will I drown under the pressure of work, school, and family. So many have come this path before me, so I am hopefull.

weekends

Constant opening and closing... of doors. I constantly hear them coming and going. They are young. They come on fast and leave the same way. Friendships and more I assume. Our house is a welcoming place for these growing relationships. Always a new mix and new opportunities. The regulars arrive on Friday nights and most stay until Sunday night. Many others in and out, most come up to say "hi" I feed, I listen, I enjoy their company but they tire me out. An endless stream of kids. They like it here and keep coming back. They bring more. They do appreciate me and the place to hang out. It's comfortable and fun with it's constant mix of new faces. I just hope that they continue to make good choices.

My friend Jayne has made it and returned home after 2 months in the hospital. I don't know yet the outcome, if she will ever has that special sparkle back, but he spark has been ignited. She's home!

Watching Altered states of teens.

I try to learn from a wise and suddenly experienced new friend, Sharyn.
Although I have nothing so emotional to compare to as her tragedy of her son Caleb's accident, much of her agony I share by simply being the mother of a teenage daughter. It is also like living with a new person daily. I try to cope, to understand, to accept, to protect, to help...but am often met with a blank stare, wide smile, demands or outright hostility. I never know what to expect and I mourn for the little princess she used to be. I miss our closeness, and hope her altered state of being too will pass. Our house is overrun with kids coming and going... a safe place to hang out, her friends up from Fleet visiting for weekends, a few kids turning into large parties, large groups of co-ed sleepovers, a new boyfriend, and I'm now counting my beers and holding tight to my wine while wondering how liberal I can continue to be while the teens take life fast and run. I struggle as many have and many will.

play or be Played

So, as the mother of a 15 1/2 year old daughter, who at times seems on the verge of adulthood and at others barely out of the princess and stuffed animal stage, life can be unpredictable at the best of times. Life is filled with drama, daily ups and downs and doors slamming, only to be re-opened for a glimpse of who she used to be.
Too many older boys grace our basement playroom these days. Too many coming and going. Driving. Every parents fear of fast boys with faster cars.
Too many cars and boys littered our driveway last Friday. The age old dilemma of party crashers. "Just a few friends" turned into a major party, with uninvited guest hauling up cases of beer up our long dark driveway. One little drama after another, altercations, tears and shouting. The angst of the brink of adulthood. Nowhere to go, not old enough to be...
It started off OK with the sounds of the drum set being used again, the pool balls being whacked, the loud bass thumping the walls downstairs and alpha-male vying for dominance. One peek out of the window and another version unfolded. Of course after I saw the beer I had to appear. Playing MOM, the bouncer. The threats of police or a call to the parents. And I just wanted those days of appearing with pizza or my infamous chocochip cookies that would sooth all just reappear from the past. It used to be easy to relate to most of these kids, and I still do...they just don't realize it yet. They are above and beyond in their search of themselves. Life is complicated for teenagers these days... they are not all bad kids, some just make bad choices. We all did. Whoever decided to egg our house after being asked to leave under threat of police or escorted off by our young toughie Andy, I do not know. But however upset my daughter was, I just had to laugh and be thankful we live in a town that uses eggs as weapons instead of more violent means.

After being on duty and meeting scores of parents that trust me with their children, I had to hide my smile at my own ineffectiveness as a parent of a child of the same age. Their over protected, overindulged children of privilege have nothing to worry about compared with our kids that rarely get out of town.
So, the escape to the cape. The much needed break away. I appreciated the warm and sunny day in which to drive, top down, music up, to Wellfleet. A glass ( or more accurately, a paper cup) of wine, I set off along the shore. The sunset was exquisite...bright yellow reflections along the water turning pink, to orange to violet higher up, reaching. The water was warm too! Shoes off, toes in the water covered with the lapping foam. Sun-soaked sand was also a comfort as was my arrival to my own small treasure. Intact although sand blown and covered. Like a warm blanket pulled up and tucked in. A comfortable layer on my bits and pieces after a month of neglect. The guardians along the way were gone...just a few lone rocks washed here and there. I built up a few, but acknowledged the futility against the power of off season wind and waves. But it was comfortable there. I was alone, yet surrounded. I pulled two wayward pieces pf driftwood about and into place, adjusted a few strands for color and sat with my wine. I felt at peace after a stressful evening of being played. Oh, the life of a parent of a teenage daughter.

I'm back!

So, Here I am again. Ready to set a few words down. It took so much out of me, holding my breath for Jayne. But it's good news. She will make it. She's been moved to a rehab in Salem NH. to heal and start her therapy. Whether or not she'll be the same Jayne, we won't know for a while, but we'll love her whatever way we can get her! Jayne has hard work ahead of her at the rehab, but at least she's made it there.

This has been a difficult transition for me this fall. Although it is hard to leave the summer and sand behind every year, this seemed so much more. The weather has also contributed to the funk. Grays, no ocean blues and greens. Fall should bring more color into my life as it progresses to change the scenery. Although I seem to remember swearing off painting another series of pretty landscapes. A disappointment this week when I was told that my latest painting was to large to submit to the Arts Alliance Fall juried show, so I didn't bother with the other two paintings I had planned on. I finished setting the three diamonds in Amy's ring this weekend, now I can get to my portraits that await me. The family series. I need to get started with something a little offbeat though too.
It's almost a tease, having facebook and still keeping in touch. Dreams of travel constantly tap my shoulder. I could go. I want to and need to. Even just a quick trip to NYC, for museums, for freedom, for inspiration. For independence.
There is little here to inspire me at the moment.

Supporting Jayne.

Jayne, not just another Jane.
Friend, mother, wife, daughter, neighbor, volunteer...no matter how you know her, you can't forget Jayne.
Jayne is still quite critical after her tragic accident, yet now there is hope that she will recover. To what extent we will get the old Jayne back is not yet known, but I truly believe that she will survive this trauma. Her bones and body can heal, but the scope of damage from the head trauma is not know at this time. And time it will take. It will be work that the family has not yet to realize, but they will become as strong as she is. My heart goes out to John, Alycia, Pat and Mitchel. Even Sam, their golden lab has been lost with out her. John's brothers and sisters are there for the present, backing him up and giving support. Once they have to go back to their lives, I hope that we, friends and neighbors will continue to be there for this family.
I have started another blogsite in support. We hope to have a weekly calendar for sign ups to provide a hot meal for the family at the end of their day before they leave for the hospital to visit. It will be a long recovery and they will truly need us so they can concentrate on helping her. Please visit Supporting Jayne Lombardo on E blogger, or Facebook.